Prayer of Anger, Act of Love

As some of you know, I lived and worked in the Middle East for a year, continuing my weekly trauma recovery sessions with my therapist via Skype. I had an experience during that year that opened up my healing in a whole new way.

I had settled down to pray/meditate, my prayer rug and zafu beneath me, incense burning, candle lit, the Franciscan Crucifix before me along with my bible and prayer book and journal. However, I was so angry at the time I could not muster a single prayer like thought.

I sat waiting, frustrated. And angry. And then wisdom opened up and said: Paint your Anger.

So I did. I poured out the intensity and immensity of my anger in big bold lines. Red! A color I rarely used called out again and again and I listened. Black! Darkness manifested, showed up, and I let it out. By the time I ran out of time, my Prayer of Anger was in good form. Certainly not finished. That would come later.

My heart felt lighter. I experienced self love for listening to my inner wisdom, perhaps the voice of the very universe, God.

As I came back to the painting over the next days, I continued to use those sweeping strokes. Such a releasing experience! And then purple showed up. And yellow. and even white. I played with the idea of the power at the core of my essence, and that showed up in the center, well actually the off center. The core. And more texture showed up, highlighting the intensity of the outward movement. 

I felt so proud, so filled with love and life when I finally realized I was done.

Prayer of Anger, acrylic on paper, painted in Doha, Qatar in 2012 

Prayer of Anger, acrylic on paper, painted in Doha, Qatar in 2012 

What I didn't know then was how much this painting would lift me up in the years ahead as I continued my trauma recovery therapy. On my return to the midwest USA, I had it dry mounted on pressed foam board to hang properly on my wall. A year or so later I had it framed as a birthday present to myself. 

Oh! It came alive in an even more powerful way! Hanging in my dining room, it's a constant reminder of so many healing thoughts:

  • I can be big
  • I have power
  • I have a voice
  • I have real talent
  • I can be seen and heard
  • There is more than enough room for me
  • The world is hungry for what I have to offer

And most recently:

  • I can use my big healing talented power to help others heal.
  • I WANT to use my big healing talented power to help others heal.
  • And so I created an offering called A Piece of Hope and Healing.
  • I custom paint unique pieces of hope and healing for those who are on a healing journey.
  • Here's the amazing part. I, as the paint, the painter, and the painting, give a part of my healed self with each painting I create. Which means wherever my art goes, so goes my forever nourishment. 

You can learn more about it here.

You know what revelation came to me just this morning?

It is only by acknowledging and expressing our anger that we can find our truest most integrated authentic loving self. 

Here's to self love.

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